Book exerpts by Bob Kinford
Copyright- Too Lazy For You Livestock & Literary Co
_________________________________________
Dazzilin Dale

I was self underemployed training horses when I was invited to a
branding at the Corkscrew Ranch.  Roy, the man leasing the ranch had
bought several hundred mares and sold all but what he thought was the top three and wanted to
talk to me about starting them under saddle and he figured we could do our
palavering sometime during the weekend.

The trip out to the ranch was fairly eventful as a thunderstorm had
passed just minutes before I turned off of the freeway and onto the dirt.  What
wasn't mud was pretty muddy water and each time my trailer started to pass me I
just floored it and prayed.  About halfway in I met Roy and his son Dale who
were driving out to see if anyone, mainly Roy's other son Don (who was
bringing the food and alcohol) was stuck.  They handed me a beer and informed me that
there was more in the fridge and slid on down the road.

About an hour after I made it to the house Roy and Dale made it back with
Don  in tow as his motor home couldn’t quite navigate the mud.  There
was about ten of us all together and sixteen cases of beer and a few bottles
of whiskey which needed to be consumed before it spoiled so the party
commenced immediately. 

After we feasted on grilled steaks and baked potatoes Dale wanted
to play poker so we went in the house.  Now Dale's reputation preceded as well
as receded him and I had heard about his habit of testing a person by
sucker punching them, so I took a seat at the corner of the table with my back
to the wall so I could see it coming if he tried it on me.

Now I seldom drink or play poker but that night I was doing both rather
well.  I was having a hard time seeing my cards but I was wining.  My
winning was upsetting Dale and since I was positioned against his patented
sucker punch he was baiting me for a fight by trying to make me mad which I
wasn't falling for which was in turn making him madder.  Sometime during the
poker game his girlfriend Beth came home.

I wasn't aware that a woman was living on the ranch so when this
tall good looking woman walked in it sort of caught my attention.
Dale looked at my glassy glaze, followed it to Beth and said "That’s
my woman, get your eyes off her'.

Grinning I looked at him and replied seriously "It isn't my eyes
you have to worry about".

The room got real quiet as everyone expected him to fly across the
table at me but instead he got sort of a confused look on his face and said
"Yeah, I guess you’re right" and went back to dealing cards. 

The next morning we got kind of a late start as a bout of the flu
seemed to keep everyone in bed later than planned.  Once we got started I took the
outside circle with Dale and Don.  Don was a real pleasant guy and was talking
to me about the ranch and the mares as Dale was busy nursing his hangover with
the proverbial hair of the dog when we heard the snake.

The rattler was in a juniper bush about three feet off of the
ground.  Dale jumped off of his horse, handed me the reins and started pitching
rocks.  On his third throw the snake fell to the ground, it's head severed with nearly
surgical precision.

"Did you see that? I should be pitching for the A's... Blah blah
etc. etc."

Still talking he stepped on the snake's body and pulled the tail tight
to cut off the rattles which forcibly emptied the snake's bladder into his
mouth.  I've never seen anyone turn from braggart to gaggart so fast in my life.
Between gags he was explaining to us in a very colorful way, about what
would happen to us if we told anyone about this incident and jumped onto
his horse, racing off to a nearby spring to wash out his mouth.  We never
told on him but we sure had a fun time calling him Snake Breath after that.

The weekend finished with me hauling one of the mares into town.
She turned out to be one of the best mares I have ever ridden even though
she was a  little tough starting as she was four years old and had never been
handled.  Roy liked the job I did on her so much he made me an offer.  I was to run
the ranch for him and I could keep riding outside horses and do some outside
shoeing. 

Dale was a little upset at this proposition but he had to admit that he
couldn't keep up with the ranch and still run a construction crew for his dad in
town at the same time.  One of the first tasks I had to complete was to finish gathering
the bulls. Dale had all of them gathered but four.  I managed to get three of them
either driven in or roped and loaded into the trailer which kind of had Dale
irritated as he really did not want me to succeed.  However the fourth bull was a
challenge. Whenever I saw him I was either under mounted or he disappeared before I
got to him.  

One night my luck changed. I had just gone into town for supplies and made it back to the
ranch just in time to feed before it got dark.  As I was coming out of the pasture
there was the bull sniffing at some heifers a neighbor had put in our pens.  I left
the gate open and drove past him thinking I could just walk him into the pens from a
hundred yards off.  Well he upped and ran for a hundred yards before turning to
see if I was chasing him so I just opened the gate to a pen next to the heifers
which was also next to the open gate of the pasture I wanted him in.  The house
was only a mile away so I drove down and got a horse.

When I got back he was within fifty yards of the pen so I started
easing him in from thirty or forty yards out.  About the time his head was in
the gate, and I thought I finally had him, he wheeled around and charged, his four
foot horns looking fairly lethal at that point.  He turned away about the time my
horse turned chicken and he headed for the hills   It was nearly dark so if I was
going to catch him it had to be quick.

The chase was one of those rides where if you thought about it
first you wouldn't do it.  In the twilight it took me half a mile at a dead run
through rough country to catch up to the bull.  I missed the first loop as we burst
from the brush and across the road in front of an unsuspecting pickup. I took my second
loop just as the bull was headed into some cedars which were impassable for a
horse and caught him, dropping several coils of rope and burning through a
couple of more as I ducked around the stubby trees.  Things were just  little
hairy when everything stopped but nothing broke and I tied off the end of my rope
to the end tree and headed back to the house to get the trailer.  By this time it
was pitch black out.

I got back to the house Dale wanted to know what I was up to. When
I told him he didn't believe me so we hooked up the trailer and went down to load the
bull.  When we pulled up to where I had tied him the only sign of him was the rope.
Dale took his flashlight (With low batteries) and began following the rope to see
if the bull was still on the other end.  He followed the sixty foot rope up the hill and
around a cedar to come face to face with fifteen hundred pounds of pure irritation.
Rather than simply jumping back out of the bull's way he tried to run back down the rope.
Luckily he didn't make the turn at the cedar because the bull ran out of rope about
one stride before hitting Dale and two strides before Dale fell flat on his face.

When he got up hesitated cussing me out for nearly killing him and
stormed off cussing and swearing about how he had never seen anyone as dumb as me.
(He finally apologized to me a few days later and even admitted it was a little stupid of him
to run back down the rope to get away from the bull.)

For all of the dumb things he did, Dale is the only person I have
ever heard about getting out of jail on a rope release program.  It seems
that Dale had totaled (another ) pickup and failed each and every sobriety test the
state police gave him.  He was lucky enough that they issued him a drivers license
which allowed him to drive back and forth to work during daylight hours.  One
night some of his friends picked him up and took him to town where they
proceeded to overindulge in mood altering beverages.  Dale, over imbibing a little
more rapidly than the rest decided he needed a nap.  Since it was cold out he got the
keys from his friend, fired up the truck and went to sleep with the heater
on.  The next thing he knew a man in blue was tapping on the window and he was in jail
once more.  This time the judge decided he would spend every night plus
weekends in jail for a couple of months.

The only problem with this was that Dale was halfway through a
series roping and was in the running for the saddle.  Since Roy's company was
known for sometimes running seven days a week Dale convinced the judge that he
had to "work" on the weekends he was to spend in jail.  For three
consecutive Saturdays and one Sunday he would leave the jail, hurry to the ranch,
load his horse and race to the arena.  When he was done roping he would hurry
back to the ranch, unload his horse and race back to jail.

He missed explaining to the judge why his picture was in the paper for
winning by one loop and fifty dollars....